Do you know a difficult person? We live with them, we love them, they’re our clients, our customers. What this email is about, is that they may not really be difficult, they may just be different from you.
The center of what we do at the Effectiveness Institute dating back to 1980 has been around these four words: Trust, respect, dignity, and integrity. If I can make those words be true in a personal relationship, in a team relationship or in an organization then that relationship works. That’s the what. How do you do that when some people absolutely drive you crazy? Understanding and modifying behavior is how.
So you’re in quadrant one and you look at quadrant two and say, “Hey, you know what? You’re pretty easy to get along with. You’re my cousin because we share this area on the right. We both like to take action quickly.” Quadrant one looks at quadrant three and says, “Hey, you’re pretty easy to get along with, too. You’re my cousin because we share this area on the top. We both like to focus on what the task is.
But that quadrant four? They are so hard to work with!”
But someone in quadrant two says, “No way! They’re my cousin! We share the area on the bottom and love focusing on relationships. Three is the one who’s hard to work with!”
So there are two styles that are pretty easy for you because you have something important in common with them. You can slide a little bit toward the quadrants on either side of you. Neither of these take a lot of work.
But every time you have to slide to the style on the diagonal from you, wow, that takes a lot of energy. Oh, and by the way, has anyone besides me ever had a low energy day? How easy is it for you to slide on the diagonal when you’re having a low energy day? Chances are you’ll say “Nope! I’m not sliding toward YOU, you can slide toward ME!”
Four very distinct patterns of behavior. Understand your own behavior pattern and you’ll get clearer about why you like to do things the way you do, and why others may irritate you with their way of doing things. But when you understand the other behavior styles, then you can more easily build that bridge of trust and respect, even with that behavior style that is opposite of what you prefer.
The next four posts will cover each Behavior Style individually.
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