Reducing Tension-Reaction in Stabilizers
Stabilizers value harmony deeply, often avoiding conflict by agreeing outwardly even when they may not agree internally. This approach, while well-intentioned, can strain relationships.
How can we help our loyal, friendly, and supportive Stabilizer coworkers, friends, and family members when they start acquiescing during tense moments? Here are a few effective strategies:
Firstly, it’s crucial to maintain a calm demeanor and have friendly body language to create a non-threatening environment.
Secondly, show appreciation for their willingness to engage in challenging discussions. Stabilizers go above and beyond to give you what you need, so it’s a small thing to express appreciation for their effort to talk through something difficult with you.
If they appear reluctant, suggest taking a break from the conversation and coming back to it later. If their internal tension is strong enough, they will likely take you up on that, but just the offer might help them decide to stay with it.
When they do engage, actively listen to understand their perspective. Ask thoughtful questions and avoid interrupting. If there are areas where you agree, let them know, and calmly explain your perspective on any areas of disagreement. Remember they have a need for security and agreement, so look for ways to affirm and avoid criticizing.
By following these suggestions, you will create a safe place for Stabilizers to engage with you to determine next steps, which will be helpful for both of you.
