When you are interacting with someone, what behavior are you seeing, hearing, or reading? These clues give you a good idea of whether flexing your behavior a little could be helpful (and it often is). Learning how and when to modify our behavior to better connect and work with others is the goal of People Skills training.
Do you know someone who comes across as emotionally controlled? They don’t usually talk much about their emotions, nor do they ask others about theirs. People often perceive them as more reserved, formal, and serious. They are not unfriendly, but that can be their impact. When someone is behaving in this way, there are four practical things you can do to make a better impact.
- FOCUS ON TASKS: Emotionally controlled individuals easily separate tasks from relationships. So, if they are not showing an interest in your actions or ideas, they are likely thinking about what needs to be done or the best way to do it and not personally rejecting you. Talking about the work instead of yourself, others, or the relationship will be helpful.
- LIMIT EXPRESSION OF FEELINGS: Responsive individuals easily access a full range of emotions, which are often reflected in their facial expressions. Frequent and ongoing displays of wide emotional ranges can be perceived by controlled individuals as over-sharing or inappropriate. Limiting emotional expressiveness can help increase trust.
- SPEND LESS TIME SOCIALIZING: Responsive individuals come across as more informal and have a lighthearted, easygoing way of interacting. Small talk and chitchat are usually easy for them to engage in. While these ways of social interacting can be helpful, they are not highly valued by emotionally controlled individuals. Demonstrate a balance between informal and more formal ways of interacting.
- LIMIT CONFIDENCES: It is easy for responsive individuals to share information about themselves and others to build rapport in relationships. However, personal information provided too soon when communicating with emotionally controlled individuals can make it difficult for them to trust and respect you. Resist the tendency to readily share information that is more personal.
